Thursday, November 16, 2006

At Least He Didn't Die In My Living Room

It's really not that big of a job. Seriously. Kate's big girl room has been painted, but not decorated for over six months and it is high time that something is done. We just wanted someone to take off the baseboards, put the new ones up, install easy crown molding and nail wooden stripes and a bookshelf on one wall. If you can't picture it, someday I'll post a picture of the finished project...but not today! Noooooooooooooooooo... we hired "Wayne" and here's his story.
First off, I should have paid attention to his older sounding voice, or maybe a red flag should have gone up when he said that he would be here after his doctor's appointment. Poor Wayne turned out to be, like, a hundred and six and with all of the wheezing and clutching of the knees, I felt really mean to be making him work.
This is what Kate's room started off looking like. I took this before he began working in the hopes of posting "before" and "after" pictures tonight. Well, that's not going to happen.
About halfway through the morning, he asked me for a piece of bread (yes, I had already given him a glass of water) to take with his medication. I opted for toast with butter and jelly because, man, this guy was old and he hadn't brought any food. I realized at this point that poor Wayne had been here for close to two hours and only had the baseboards removed. Ummm... we are paying him $40 by the hour, people.
Another hour later, I talked to Josh and we decided that it was just crazy to let him spend all day here when the job could have been done in half that time. So here I am, almost in tears because I have to tell this sweet old man that he needs to finish up the baseboards and go home. AAAUUGGHH!
I am a terrible liar, but I just can't tell him that he has to go because he is so. freaking. slow. As I pull into the driveway (we had to get out the house, Kate was all "Wayne, here's my frog." and "Wayne, watch me dance!") I see his car for the first time.

He had his tools in the trunk.

I am just really hoping that this was for his wife or something.

Anyway, I choked and mumbled a lot about the kids needing to take naps, and the pounding wouldn't be good for sleeping and I had Bunco tonight (what?!) and I just didn't think it would take this long and and and and...

He totally did NOT buy it and kept asking if he did something wrong. Ouch. He ended up leaving, but didn't bill me because HE THINKS HE COMING BACK ON MONDAY! It is well established that I suck in these types of situations and that we should all live in a commune because Katie would be much better suited for this kind of crap.

Here's what Kate's room looks like now:

Wayne did a good job on the baseboards, but they should look good - he worked on them all day long!

Meanwhile, Kate's a wreck because her bed is all wrong and please put my nightstand back and my fan should be over there and why is my other table here!!!!!!!!!

For the love of all that is holy, I could use some help over here.


Klhark said...

I'm laughing because I can't handle things like that either. Last time I got frustrated with the credit card people my voice cracked like I was going to cry and I had to have Thad get on the phone. It's just too hard to be tough :) Hope Kate was able to sleep with her stuff all moved around :)

Jen said...

Oh my gosh! That is so freaking funny! It's even funnier in writing! Where the heck did you find this guy?

Jesse said...

How does your life always turn in to an episode of "I love Lucy"?

mini and brother said...

I had already heard the story but I'm still cracking up right now. Why do strange things seem to happen to you? Do you think any of your neighbors thought it was strange that you were taking pictures of a in front of your house. Poor Kater, I could help hang the book shelf?!

robyn said...

would you like me to call him and tell him he's not coming back on Monday? ;)

Terry said...

I have to agree with jesse on this sounds like Candid camera was you